Deep Dark Sad Place

I am sure I am not alone. At least that is what I have to keep telling myself. I am in such a deep dark place and I feel all alone. I don't really know what to do. I would post this to face book but I would have every do-gooder trying to fix my problem. Every facebook shrink trying to diagnose me. I just can't take it. They also would be wanting to take me to an in patient facility. I am not going to hurt myself. I am not going to hurt my kids. I am just really really sad.

I have never suffered from post-partum depression and I don't believe that is what this is. It is just plain old, run of the mill depression. The part that really sucks is the fact that after each of my babies has been born I have had my support system ripped away from me. This time I had hopes that because I was going to a place we had been before, this would not be the case. It is. I am all alone. To make matters worse, I am not allowed to drive. I have been driving but I an really not allowed to do so. I have made two friends here. One just had major surgery and the other, she is busy with her own life but she has made it a point to drive me around when I have needed it. I appreciate that but it doesn't help the way I feel. I hate having to ask. I wish the support system that I thought I had in my church family would realize that I am alive. I have not had one person call and offer to take me to lunch or Walmart or anything. It kinda makes me want to find another church, but it is not limited to my church or neighborhood. It is everywhere. We are so busy that we don't notice need.

Well I just needed to get this off my chest. I would love to just go in my room and cry but that is not my style. Maybe I will do it anyway.